Well it’s been a long week and then thankfully, in this part of the world, followed by a long weekend… It’s been wonderful to catch up on amongst the usual ‘personal admin,’ some rest, yoga, and get literally, back on my bike. I am finding, slowly, that every day that goes by and it is early days, life becomes more ‘stable.’ It’s a funny word that gets thrown around quite a bit at times, however I cannot underestimate the value of ‘stability.’ In life, living each day, work, relationships (in every capacity)… Just about everything. I don’t know if it’s just my realisation at much of a life time living (surviving) personally with mental illness, but it’s kind of new and rather nice for me. And in doing so, maintaining this ‘stability,’ something so stupidly basic it could be easily overlooked, I am starting to build more elements onto my life. This weekend extending my professional studies, though is a long-term process and also commencing some online work as a ‘tele-vet…’ Quite the new (for me anyway) concept. As mentioned, I also returned to road cycling and intensified my yoga practice as I settle into my new studio, spent time in nature, alone and with company, especially my wonderful partner. There were challenges though, like the pleasantry of lunch with my partner’s family today, something I value, not just for and with him, but also because it’s not some thing I experienced in my past, family lunches, simply to catch up… I felt welcome and comfortable, however the presence of wine on the table, though I know I’m under no pressure to drink neither obvious judgement for not doing so, I still felt increasingly a distinct pang of pain (sadness, guilt, shame?) inside my mind and body, not so much feeling the desire, or that I’m missing out somehow, rather the intensified reminder/s of my past and associations with it. However to the positives now, forwards, onwards (and upwards as they say…) life is busy, increasingly so, the balance is good for now, though I hope through the inevitable ups and downs to continue to publish once a week, and going forward, on multiple, more specific topics, in order to reach out and perhaps connect. However for now, best wishes to all, J.
Published by J
I'm a practising veterinary surgeon; passionate about animals and people, all areas of general practice, from medicine to surgery, with a particular interest in integrative medicine (TCVM). After nearly a year in a sort-of phase of contemplation, I've gained the courage to start this blog with the aim to write weekly on my experiences, as a vet, however also surviving, towards thriving, after much pain, loss and at times sheer hopelessness, to in time finding my purpose in my life, relationships and work. I'm on a journey now recovering from mental illness (Complex-PTSD, major depression and substance misuse), working to be the best doctor I can for my patients and clients, while developing a growing passion for yoga and meditation along with other various outlets in nature, hiking and photography. My hope is to one day connect with others on this adventure that is life, with all its ups and downs, as well as advocating for mental illness, to reduce stigma. Perhaps in doing so I may offer a little hope (and humour!) along the way... Please feel free to join me, read or reach-out. You are not alone. Wishing love and kindness to all... J View all posts by J