Well it’s been a long week and then thankfully, in this part of the world, followed by a long weekend… It’s been wonderful to catch up on amongst the usual ‘personal admin,’ some rest, yoga, and get literally, back on my bike. I am finding, slowly, that every day that goes by and it is early days, life becomes more ‘stable.’ It’s a funny word that gets thrown around quite a bit at times, however I cannot underestimate the value of ‘stability.’ In life, living each day, work, relationships (in every capacity)… Just about everything. I don’t know if it’s just my realisation at much of a life time living (surviving) personally with mental illness, but it’s kind of new and rather nice for me. And in doing so, maintaining this ‘stability,’ something so stupidly basic it could be easily overlooked, I am starting to build more elements onto my life. This weekend extending my professional studies, though is a long-term process and also commencing some online work as a ‘tele-vet…’ Quite the new (for me anyway) concept. As mentioned, I also returned to road cycling and intensified my yoga practice as I settle into my new studio, spent time in nature, alone and with company, especially my wonderful partner. There were challenges though, like the pleasantry of lunch with my partner’s family today, something I value, not just for and with him, but also because it’s not some thing I experienced in my past, family lunches, simply to catch up… I felt welcome and comfortable, however the presence of wine on the table, though I know I’m under no pressure to drink neither obvious judgement for not doing so, I still felt increasingly a distinct pang of pain (sadness, guilt, shame?) inside my mind and body, not so much feeling the desire, or that I’m missing out somehow, rather the intensified reminder/s of my past and associations with it. However to the positives now, forwards, onwards (and upwards as they say…) life is busy, increasingly so, the balance is good for now, though I hope through the inevitable ups and downs to continue to publish once a week, and going forward, on multiple, more specific topics, in order to reach out and perhaps connect. However for now, best wishes to all, J.
Well, my first week as a ‘blogger’ (if that’s a thing?!), the week has flown by and I was slightly alarmed (well, perhaps all of a sudden somewhat self conscious?), then excited, that a few people were interested enough to read my first post. The world wide web sure is an amazing thing! As is life; like how a country kid such as myself could end up working in suburbia, let alone quite happily, doing something I was told many times along the way in the words, or to the effect of ‘not being cut out for,’ then writing about it for just about anyone to see, is not far from mind blowing! This week has been challenging at times, second week back at work, settling into the groove again after being away, demanding at times though such is just being back to ‘normality.’ Life. You see, one of the things I’ve struggled most living with mental illness is just maintaining a balance, consistency and stability over time. Every aspect of my life. Even just committing some time on my Sunday afternoons to write, I find personally satisfying and hopeful to continue (irrespective if anyone actually reads…). And in that time also, reading the experiences of and connecting, albeit over geographical distance, with other human beings. As having experienced extensive isolation, a close friend to inconsistency, throughout life, I find that kind of cool! Take care all, J.
Well, we’re certainly into 2020 now and it’s only taken about ten months (!), since first launching my blog, to actually make a start… Whether it’s been hesitation, distraction or just plan old procrastination, finally I’m here to publish my first piece. An introduction, of sorts… I guess the motivator at last, or is it just the beginning (!), was recently, at age 32 and practicing as a veterinarian I was (for hopefully the last time, though who knows what the future holds) hospitalised, finally diagnosed officially (properly), after almost a lifetime of difficulties, to put it lightly, with a mental illness and since then started on my own journey of recovery. I’m finding meaning to life, my purpose slowly, but steadily, a sense of hope, never before experienced, not just in my work for which I’m fortunate to be highly passionate, privileged and grateful, but especially relationships, my wonderful partner of almost a year and various interests that I also intend to share my experiences with (such as deepening practice of yoga, meditation, experiencing nature and photography). So whether it’s day to day vet life, interests, professionally or personally, or insights into mental illness, surviving and learning how to live a worthwhile life, I hope to perhaps connect with others who share similar interests, or perhaps you may have or are struggling with mental or physical health issues. I’d love to offer some hope, my own experience and insight, for which is all I have, maybe a little humour along the way (!) and much assurance, that wherever you are, you need not always feel alone. Until my next attempt to write, thank you for reading, all the best and take care! J